I am needed.

Mathew 25:35
For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in...

Since the age of 22,  the focus of my life was being a mom.  Each day was filled with meeting the needs of my 4 children.  As each one grew up and left home, I gradually began to realize that I would be left with a very empty nest.  That means something different for each of us.  Some of us look forward to the day when we will have our house free of children clutter, free to spend our days without having to constantly cook and clean, and free to be lazy if we so choose.  For me, it has been a hard transition.  To add to that empty nest syndrome, 3 years ago, I also retired from my job of being a beautician.  No longer seeing my clients, who some had become like family, also added to that loneliness.  No longer being needed on a daily basis has left me feeling lost some days.  I think having a husband that works an over-seas job sort of helps compound that feeling as well.
 About a year ago, I started praying and asking the Lord to help me find a purpose in my life.  Something that I could do that would make a difference in people's lives.  Something that would also help me find new relationships that would fill the void of my children being now grown adults and having their own lives to live.  In praying and searching, the Lord began to lay on my heart the idea of volunteering somewhere.  "Where?" was the question I kept asking.  I have always had a very big heart for children.   Being a mom has always been the biggest love of my life....right behind my love for my husband.  So.....I began to google places I could volunteer that would involve ministering to babies.  The Lord led me to check into pregnancy crisis centers.  In the town that I live in, 3 of them came up on my search engine.  Two of them sort of popped out at me.  I took down the information and the next day, after praying about each one, called and spoke to the directors.  I made appointments that week.  I would visit the first one on the following  Monday night.  The second one, I was scheduled to visit on that following Friday.
  With great excitement, I traveled  to my first visit to check out Agape Pregnancy Services Center.  I didn't know what to expect, since I had never volunteered anywhere.  When I walked through the door, I was met by 4 woman in the foyer, all with smiles on their faces!  I was off to a good start!!!   I was welcomed with such a warm acceptance, that I knew instantly it was where God was leading me to belong.   I met the director, Helen Rogers and was blown away by her pure and honest love that she displayes.  She welcomed me with open arms......gave me a tour of the place and told me about how God led her to opening Agagpe.   Finding out that the building used to be an abortion clinic, and was turned into a ministry for moms in need, also blew me away!!  God took what was mean't for harm, and turned it into GOOD!!!
I jumped in, and felt right at  home.  Part of the system at Agape is taking in donations of baby/children's clothing as well as gently (and new in some cases!) used baby items.  In showing me the ropes in the sorting room, the comment was made by one of the seasoned volunteers that the "soiled" clothing was not able to be used for distribution.  Even though the center is a non-profit organization, the standards are high, and they only give clothing that is not soiled or stained.  Then the comment was made that they had just lost a volunteer that used to take that soiled laundry home and clean it and bring it back.  Without hesitation,  I instantly jump in and said, "I WILL DO IT!"  Here was something I knew how to do!!!  Me....who loved being a mom....meeting the needs of my children and having lost that daily need, was looking at being needed again!!  And so..... I became the volunteer who takes home LOADS of baby/children's clothing to loving wash and clean, and then I take it all back to the center to bless Moms in need!!  As for my Friday appointment to visit another volunteer possibility?......I cancelled.   I asked the Lord if it was necessary to follow through on that visit, and He gently told me no. :)  I had found what I was looking for right at Agape!

I have found that labor of love that I was looking for!  I am needed once again!  There are days when the center will get multiple bags of clothing in, and as we spend time sorting through it, we find that ALOT of it needs to be laundered.  I find myself looking forward to taking it home.....washing it and making it look brand new to take back!  I know that sounds ludicrous to some people!  LOL    But for me....it feels like home.  I have had such a hard time letting go of my children, as they can all testify!  Handling "little" clothing reminds me of when my own were little, and helps to ease the pain of them being grown and out of reach most of the time.  It also helps me cope with having a Grandson that is living 800+ miles from me and out of reach.  That one is a very tough one to handle.  So....I am thankful to the Lord for caring enough about me to lead me to Agape.  For answering my prayers and leading me to finding wonderful new relationships to fill my life with.  The ladies that volunteer with me at Agape have become like family to me.  And Helen Rogers has reminded me just how awesome a God we serve!!!  There is a never ending need at Agape.  The center services sometimes as many as 15 clients a night.  Many of those first time clients that come through the doors leave having met the Savior for the very first time!  THAT is what Agape is all about!!  Showing Jesus to everyone who walks through the door, whether they are there to volunteer, drop off donations,  or are looking for help in a time of crisis that they cannot find any where else!  Jesus instructs us to show our love for Him  to those we come in contact with each day.   I am so grateful for finding my place to belong!!   A place where I can show the love of Jesus by washing gently used clothing that will find their way to the homes of little children just like mine used to be. 
If you are feeling that "empty nest syndrome" and need to feel "needed" again...look into volunteering some of your time each week to a worthy cause.  I find that the two nights I volunteer, are the highlight of my week!  I love every minute I am there!!!  Find someplace to make a difference!!  You are needed!!!

love covers it all.

This year (in 4 weeks to be exact), my husband and I will have been married for 31 years.  In today's society, that is a big accomplishment.   Marriage takes commitment and dedication.  It also takes endurance, especially when you are married to me. :) One of my favorite verse in the Bible is:
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
The glory of that verse is that it is true. And thank the Lord that it is....because I need a multitude of covering some days. ;)

I can honestly say that I am married to my best friend.   It hasn't always been easy, as my children will testify.  But I can tell you that I wouldn't change a thing about the last 31 years of my life.  My husband is a very patient man.  He is kind, and he always thinks of others before himself.  My children and I often have to be sneaky about buying him anything, because given the chance, he will spend every last dime on one of us before he would spend it on himself.  That is just the way he is. Most of our married life has been spent apart....due to the jobs that he has held.  For 15 years he was a soldier in the Army.  I don't need to tell most people the time that is spent separated in that career field.  Then for 7 years he was a long haul truck driver.  He spent 2 weekends a month at home in-between runs.  Then he signed on with KBR and went to Iraq as a contractor.   He has spent the past 6 years working in war torn Iraq.  He arrived there before all of the infrastructure took place, and was able to watch over the past few years as things took shape.   He started out as a truck driver on the desert roads.   He can tell you stories of the things God has brought him through.  He has had the privilege of leading others to Christ in those years.  He has also been  in situations where he knew the hand of God had kept him safe, or had diverted trouble away from him, as well as the men who were with him.    He has made a multitude of friendships, and has touched many lives with his generosity.  He says he has been blessed beyond measure with the opportunities that God  has given him to show a kindness to others less fortunate than himself.  I am honored to call him my husband, and more than blessed to call him my best friend.

In October of this past year, he found himself without a job.  KBR had un-expectantly ended his contract.  And so, he came home (wooo hooo!) and spent 3 months job hunting.  What a wonderful thing it was to have him home....to just be able to talk to him every day...face to face and not over the phone for 15 minutes at a time.  It is amazing the things you take for granted!  I pulled out my LONG honey-do list and we got busy!  And trust me... I did keep him busy!  ;)  I had forgotten how much fun it was to work together to accomplish the things that needed fixing around our home.  I had been so used to doing things all by myself.  Having my companion here to help was beyond wonderful.   Being able to share on a daily basis with the love of my life, was a gift that I will forever be grateful for. For spouses that spend the majority of their careers away from home, it is easy to forget what it is like to run a household....and care for a family on a day by day basis.   It gave us a small taste of what retirement will be like for us someday.  :)

In November, we began a new chapter in our lives.  After 3 months of looking and applying for employment, the Lord granted him a new job.  Unfortunately  it took him back over seas.  This transformation has been a hard one..for both him and I.  I often I find myself questioning God as to why he choose to take him back to a country so far away...but I also remind myself of how thankful we both are for the income.  I wish he were here this year to celebrate our 31st anniversary.   This will be one more he will have missed.  Some day, in the future, God willing, we will be able to celebrate together....remembering just how far we have come!  MY desire is a few days away......just the two of us!  That would be heavenly!


It is that same love (and more!) that our Heavenly Father has for us!  If we could only fathom the dept and height of that love, we would be astounded!  John 3:16 tells us: "For God so loved the world (you and I) that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth on Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life!"  What a promise to hold on to!  Knowing that my Father is always a prayer away, gives me the grace to make it through each day.  It is "HE" that holds my hand...that leads me where I go and gives me strength to make it through each day.  And it is enough.  His word also tells me that he will supply all of my needs, according to His riches in glory!!

Making memories.

It is that time again.  Christmas has come and gone.

Have you ever planned for something, and wished so hard for it to "hurry" and arrive, yet once the time is here...it goes by so quickly?  You try and make the most of every moment.....soaking up every conversation, every smile, every day shared with your loved ones.  Then all too soon, it has come to an end and it is time for your visiting family to go back to their own homes.  It is time to put away the decorations, and the boxes are once again stacked outside in the garage for another year.  Putting up and taking down Christmas in my home is quite a task!  I took down the tree and decorations New Years Day this year.  As my daughter in law watched me put stuff away,  she made the statement, "If I ever get collect that much Christmas stuff, please slap me." That made me smile.  :)   It has taken me 15 years of collecting.  LOL  I love Christmas.  I love that time of year when you haul out all those boxes and go through all the things you haven't seen since last year, on the day of Thanksgiving.  That is the tradition in our house.  We put up our decorations the evening of Thanksgiving day.  .  I love the taking down as well.  My house always feels so much bigger, and clean, somehow.  I always feel like I have re-decorated, and I guess, I have!!  Those decorations always bring back memories from times past....some good and perhaps some not so pleasant.

Sometimes, they are memories that we would rather not think about.  My husband has a hard time during the Christmas season.  His father passed away in the month of December, and every year around that same date, he gets quiet, and I know he is reflecting on his father and his memories. I give him the space he needs....and allow that quiet time for him.  I understand.  Some of my memories of Christmas bring saddness as well.

This year we have made some wonderful memories to cherish!  I will remember having all of my children home! Our youngest moved out this year, and is on her own.  That makes my husband and I empty nesters.  So you can imagine my joy at having my house full of laughter and conversations after so many quiet days spent alone.  I will cherish those times spent with each one of them!   But I will also remember that my husband spent yet another Christmas in a foreign country, away from us.  It has been 6 years now that he has missed being here.  We have vowed that next year will be different.  Next year we will make memories with ALL of us together, Lord willing!

As I reflect on this Christmas,  I will also remember the time spent with the youngest member of our family....little Benjamin.  For now, he is our only grandchild, and no doubt about it, he is the sweetest little boy you could ever ask for.  He is a little charmer!  He makes you laugh with his antics, and melts your heart!  He fell in love with our dog, Toby.  Never having been around dogs, it surprised us that he took to him right away!  Course, we had to train Toby (who has never been around little ones) to be "patient" with this little guy who wanted to hug on him like he does his stuffed teddy bear! LOL    He and I got to spend alot of time together.  I got to know him a little better, and I hope and pray that he will remember me as he spends his days in Texas with his mom and dad.    I will cherish each of those moments in my memories.

Do you ever wonder if God has memories of us?  I know that the word tells us that when we ask forgiveness for something, that He remembers it no more.  He throws it as far as the east is from the west into a sea of forgetfulness.  I know that He is omnipotent, and all knowing.  His word says so.   I am sure that God "remembers" things about me...... times I have spent with Him in prayer, and praises I have offered to Him.  I am sure He remembers the day I gave my heart to Him.  I am also sure that he remembers promises I have made to Him.    I am sure that He knows me better than I know myself.  My prayer this year, is to make as many wonderful memories as possible.  To love a little deeper, to forgive more often, to pray a little longer each day, to give a little more.  And in the process... I hope that something I do will bring a smile to someones heart..and create another memory for me to cherish.

God uses Ordinary people to do Extraordinay things.

Ephesians 1: 5-12

"Praise His Glory"

He destined us in love to be his sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace which he freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace which he lavished upon us. For he has made known to us in all wisdom and insight the mystery of his will, according to his purpose which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. In him, according to the purpose of Him who accomplishes all things according to the counsel of his will, we who first hoped in Christ have been destined and appointed to live for the praise of his glory.

About a month ago I was given the address of a blog site from my daughter.  She was given the blog site by a friend...and she passed it on to me.  She was so moved, that she cried during the reading of it.  As I read it, I done the same.  I was so touched by the things I read, that I couldn't stop!  I spent an entire day going all the way back to the beginning of this young lady's very first blog post, and read through almost 6 years of her life.  She is a missionary to Africa.  That, in itself is a huge thing for me, but the real amazement is that she has been there for almost 6 years and she is only 23 years old!  She has had a heart for missions since she was just 17 years old.  She went to Africa on a "short" trip, fell in love with the people there, and felt God calling her to stay.  She founded Amazima Ministries International.  She has an amazing story and is still living that story today!

You may ask why she has made such an impact on me?  This past year, my oldest daughter went to Panama on her first mission trip.  I have never been on one myself, but I have been told that they will impact you in ways you never expected them to.  She came home a changed young lady!  God spoke to her heart on that trip, and she knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that she was called to the mission field.  Well.... I have to admit, THIS mom's heart rebelled at the idea!  That was not what "I" wanted for my daughter.  I wanted her to stay here....close to home, where I could see her often and be a part of her daily life.  She is very patient with me...always has been. :)  As time went on, I began to become a bit more relaxed about the issue.  After all...she wasn't being wisked away tomorrow!  This missionary thing is a process.  I think that is a good thing.  It is giving this mom time to adjust. :)

She sent me Katie's blog site.  I think she mean't to  share Katie's story, but perhaps, God knew it would change me too.   As I read, I tried to imagine my own daughter being in the place of this young lady.  I tried to imagine being in the place of the parents who gave birth to Katie and let her go to Aftrica....knowing that they would only see her through her daily blogs and emails...and occasional phone calls.   And I understood.  The more I read, the more I realized that my daughter wasn't leaving me.  God is just borrowing her to do a bigger purpose.  And I find myself getting excited about all that she will experience....all that she willl do for the Lord that will impact people for His kingdom.  And so, after reading Katie's blog, I vowed to pray for my own precious daughter, for God to lead her where He would have her go... for I know that He loves her more than I ever could.  She will be who HE called her to be....but she will still be my daughter!  And I will love her and let her go.  All because I read the story of Katie.... all because I know the one I serve...and I know that He will go with her....and I know that in the days she serves...He will hold her in the palm of His hands...just as He holds Katie.

Amazima Ministries International
www.amazima.org
www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

Trusting isn't always easy.

Today will be marked as a day of new beginnings.  It is a day we knew was coming.  We planned for it.  We watched for it.  Although, we tried to delay it's coming by hoping time would go by slowly.  However, in the reality of life, it came.  It is here.  We are thankful for it, but wish so very much that it had been a different outcome.  We prayed that it would be.  But it wasn't.  It came.  Today is the day.               

How often do we pray and ask the Lord for the desires of our hearts, only to be told a gentle no?  Often times, He answers yes, and gives us that which we ask for.  But often times as well, the answer is a resounding no...one that if we but trust and watch, we will find out that in the end, it was for our good.  Today is one of those "no" days for us.   A day when we had asked God for something different, only to be told no.   We hoped and prayed for a different answer, and we waited on God to show us the way.  What we are given is most surely what we are in need of, for He gives to us all good things.  But it wasn't what we asked for.   Are we angry that we didn't get the answer we desired?  No.  Sad, yes, but not angry.  That doesn't make the accepting any easier, though.    And so...as today turns into tonight, and the night turns into tomorrow,   we will trust and let God's hand lead us.  We will find out what lessons we needed to learn, and we will look back and say....it was for our good.  And we will say, " God knew."  Until tomorrow, though, God knows that my heart will take time for the saddness to ease, for the accepting to become easier.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

—Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.

—Psalm 37:3-6


God in His infinite wisdom knows the ending even before we do.  He knows what we have need of, even if we don't understand.   And so we will walk trusting His wisdom for our lives.  We will follow the path He has given, and we will grow and we will learn all that He will teach us.  If, however, I should  have a day when I just don't understand,  and I question "why?" , I know that God will be there..to lift me up and reassure me that He, as my loving Father,  knows best.

And I will trust.

In the quiet times

It is quiet here as I sit here alone. I enjoy the silence sometimes.  It gives me the opportunity to reflect on my life.  I find that I use that quiet time to talk to the Lord, and to let Him talk to me.                         This time of year, we all have our Christmas trees up, and our decorations outside.  The lights are turned on and the essence of the magic that is Christmas is everywhere.  As I sit here,  I stare at my Christmas tree.. enjoying the beautiful white lights.  I look at the ornaments and some of them tell me stories of Christmas' past.  I love the memories they invoke in me.  I enjoy this time of year.   I love the way the streets of downtown are decorated and the way  the store fronts invite you in to come and buy.  Christmas is the time of year when we make sure we take the time to spend it with those we love.  And yes, sometimes even those we would rather not be with. :)  We smile and we sing songs that speak of the birth of our Savior.  We sing of snow falling and candy apples and reindeer.  Christmas.....more than any other time of the year, is a time for making memories.  Why?  What is it about this time of year that we hold so dear?  I thought about that for a long time during my time of reflecting.  If you, like me,  are a born again Christian, than Christmas means the birth of a Savior.  It means the time when Jesus came as a little baby, born of the Virgin Mary.   He came to give us life.    Today I went to a live theatrical production at the Gilbert Theater with a close friend of mine.  It was the first time I had ever been  there,  yet it has been in existence here in our town for over 15 years.  The show was a Charles Dicken's: A Christmas Carol.  I have seen the TV show a million times (ok, maybe not that many!,)  but never before have I seen it done as a live production.  It was wonderful!  The man portraying the character of Ebenezer Scrooge done a fantastic job!  He portrayed the character so well, that I felt like I was right there in the story with him!  His whole body language "felt" the part he played, and as I watched, I felt everything he portrayed in that character.  As I sat there,  I thought about my own life.  What do I portray to those who watch me play out my life day by day?  Do they "feel" the things that I feel?  Do they understand the reasons" why" I feel the things I do? The biggest question I had to ask myself was,  do I show them Jesus?  That was the real issue that burned in me as I watched the character of Ebenezer  battle with the way he lived his life.   At this time of the year, we usually reflect back over the days that have past, and hope that we made a difference.  Did I encourage someone?  Did I help make someone's day a bit easier?   Did I love just a little bit more?  Ebenezer was taught a good lesson, and he was given the chance to change the course of his existance.  He turned his life around and made a difference for others.   That is the opportunity Christ gives to us if we will but heed His calling.   My prayer is that I would do just that and that my life would make a difference.  That my light would shine so bright that men will see "His" good works complete in me.   I never want to live the life of a scrouge.  I want, this Christmas season and every day there after, to live life showing the world that Jesus is the reason for living!

This is my prayer this Christmas season!

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. —Philippians 2:1-4 

Reach out and Touch a Mountain

When I was 22 years old, my husband informed me that he was enlisting in the Army.  The little town where we lived in  Michigan didn't offer too many opportunities for jobs.   The economy was struggling, and Michigan was the hardest hit at that time for loss of jobs.   We had very little money to survive on and daily living was hard.  We had both been through ugly divorces and I don't need to tell most people how much ruin that leaves in your path.  Although we lived right in the same town as our extended family, my husband felt the need for a major change in our lives, and so, he decided to follow a childhood dream of his to enlist in the United States Army.  I freaked out, needless to say!   I had grown up in the little town we lived in.  I knew everyone....and everyone knew me.  How in the world was I going to leave all that I held near and dear to me and go out into the unknown?  We had recently had the addition of twin boys to our household..so not only was he asking "me" to leave my family and friends... but he was also asking me to take my baby boys away from their grandparents as well.  Being at the place in his life that he was at, he patiently told me, "I go with or without you."  That night I cried myself to sleep in his arms.  God reminded my heart that when I said my wedding vows to my husband, I promised "for better or worse."  Was this really worse?  I didn't know...but I was willing to go where ever he went.  My life was with him, and I wanted it to remain that way.  So, we embarked on that journey 29 years ago.                                                                                             

I have had alot of "eye opening" experiences through those years.  Once of which came when we arrived at Ft. Bragg...our first duty station.  I had a bulletin board in my room as a teenager growing up that I would pin little things on.  One of those was a saying that I cut out of a magazine that said, "Reach out an touch a mountain."  To me...that mountain represented God.  He was my mountain growing up. (and still is!)  Scripture tells us that all we need to do is reach out to Him, and He is faithful to meet us right where we are at.    Those words represented majestic power to me.  So...when I heard we were being stationed at Ft. Bragg, NC...my mind went to mountains.  There ARE mountains in NC, right?  Now I never have been very good at Geography.  It wasn't one of my favorite subjects...having devoted all of my energies to a Cosmetology class that I attended.  So.....to me.....moving to NC meant seeing those mountains....and yes!  I thought I would see them out the window of my living room as I awoke each morning.  I think, God in his caring about me and my hesitancy at moving, allowed me to believe that scenario to help me in the transition of leaving my childhood home to venture out into the unknown.   We left our little home town on an early summer morning.  We were a sight that would of put us right in the sitcom of the Beverly Hillbillies show!  We couldn't afford a moving van or trailer, and we didn't have alot to take with us, so my father in law provided us with the back end of a truck that had been cut off of the original and had a hitch welded onto it.  It sat higher than our car, and looked ridiculous!  But, it provided us a way to transport our things without spending any money.  A blessing from my husband's father. ;)   Two hours down the road, we had a flat tire, and ended up having to purchase not just one, but two new ones to proceed on our 800 mile journey that we still had to travel.  The tires cost us $111.00, of which came out of our $200.00 we had when we left our little town to venture out on our new life.  Who leaves home to start a new life with only $200.00 in their pockets to travel over 800 miles with 2 two year olds???  Yes.  We did.  We drove straight through the night, not having enough money to pay for a hotel room.  By the time we pulled into Ft. Bragg, NC, we had $5.00 in our pockets.  We stopped at a little connivance store and bought our 2 year old twins orange juice and powdered sugar donuts for breakfast.   What I remember the most upon embarking upon our new place of residence however, was not the fact that we only had $5 in our pockets, but the "scenery" that was before my eyes.  I was tired, so keep that in mind!  We had just spent a grueling 20 hour ride, non stop in a car, pulling a "truck" end behind us and dealing with 2 rowdy twin boys that wanted to get out and be free from car seats!!  Driving down Bragg Blvd. I was hit with the reality that not only would I "not" see mountains out my window...but those mountains were a 2 plus hour drive from my new home.  Talk about devastated.  I had to question God at that point.  Is this REALLY where you wanted us to live??  Really, God?  I tried to reason with Him.....all the time, fully knowing that there was no other choice.  "This" was home! So.... I decided that my "mountain" would be right here.  God has proved Himself to me over these last 29 years.  He has never left me nor forsaken me.